Queering Valentine’s Day: Love, Connection & Self-Discovery

Valentine’s Day often brings to mind heart-shaped chocolates, romantic dinners, and grand gestures of love. But let’s be real—this day is about so much more than just couples and romance. For the queer community, especially high school and college students navigating identity, relationships, and self-discovery, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to redefine love on our own terms.

This year, let’s queer Valentine’s Day—expanding our definition of love beyond the traditional narratives and making space for all kinds of relationships, self-care, and intentional choices when it comes to intimacy.

Love Takes Many Forms

Love isn’t just about romance—it’s about friendships, chosen family, community, self-love, and platonic connections that hold deep meaning in our lives. In queer spaces, these bonds often take on even greater importance because not all of us have supportive biological families. Valentine’s Day is a great reminder to celebrate all the people who make your heart feel full, not just romantic partners.

  • Aromantic & Asexual Love: Not everyone experiences romantic or sexual attraction, and that’s okay. Aromantic and asexual people create deep, fulfilling relationships in ways that align with their own needs and experiences.
  • Queerplatonic Partnerships: Some connections go beyond friendship but don’t fit into a traditional romantic relationship model. These relationships are just as valid and meaningful.
  • Self-Love & Self-Care: Sometimes, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Taking time to love and appreciate yourself, whether through rest, creativity, or celebration, is just as powerful as any romantic date.

Practicing Safe, Affirming, and Consensual Intimacy

For those who choose to explore sexual relationships, safety, consent, and communication should always come first. As queer people, we often don’t get the same level of inclusive and affirming sex education as our straight peers, making it even more important to talk openly about safer sex, boundaries, and self-respect.

  • Consent Is Key: Consent isn’t just about saying “yes” or “no.” It’s about enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing agreement between all partners. If someone isn’t sure, hesitant, or feeling pressured—that’s not consent.
  • Safe Sex Is Queer Sex: Whether you’re in a same-sex relationship, non-binary, or exploring your sexuality, protecting yourself and your partners matters. Using barriers like dental dams, condoms, or PrEP (if applicable) helps reduce the risk of STIs.
  • Knowledge Is Power: Learn about sexual health resources available to you, including LGBTQ+-friendly clinics, testing centers, and online resources that provide accurate and affirming information.

It’s Okay to Wait—Or to Define Love on Your Own Terms

There’s often pressure—whether from friends, social media, or society—to rush into relationships or experiences before we’re ready. But here’s the truth: waiting is always okay—whether you’re waiting for the right person, the right time, or simply choosing abstinence because it aligns with your personal values.

Your first time (or any time) should be on your terms, with someone you trust, in a way that feels meaningful to you. And if you decide to wait—whether for emotional, cultural, or personal reasons—that’s just as valid as choosing to be sexually active.

A Queer Valentine’s Day Challenge

Instead of getting caught up in the commercial version of Valentine’s Day, we challenge you to celebrate love in a way that’s meaningful to you:

  • Write a love letter to yourself, celebrating your growth, resilience, and beauty.
  • Spend time with your chosen family, hosting a Galentine’s, Palentine’s, or Queerentine’s gathering.
  • Affirm your boundaries, whether in relationships, friendships, or with yourself.
  • Support queer love stories, by watching a queer rom-com, reading a book with LGBTQ+ representation, or listening to music by queer artists.
  • Get informed, by checking out queer-friendly sex education resources and taking control of your sexual health.

However you celebrate (or don’t celebrate) Valentine’s Day, remember that love—in all its forms—is valid, beautiful, and worth cherishing.

Be Bold. Live Free. Love All. Be Legendary.

By: Rev. Dr. Harold Marrero
Chief Operating Officer

We encourage you to share this information with friends, fellow teachers, and allies and join us in bringing awareness to our efforts. Your support is essential for our ongoing work to create safe spaces for all students, regardless of ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or expression. Please consider donating to Safe Schools so that we can continue advocating for inclusivity and diversity within the education system.